Somebody explain body piercing to me, please.

Ear piercing is vaguely okay, I guess. Silly, but okay (though I think people with pierced ears can't complain about body piercings as "immoral" as some have. Ears or naval, what's the difference?).

Nose studs are simply disgusting. It's like a sparkly zit. Look, noses are necessary items, and a bad honker can be a real bummer for the owner, but really, noses aren't supposed to draw attention to themselves. A nose stud says "hey! Look at me! I produce snot and mucus, so can you imagine what the other side of this stud looks like?" And what happens when you sneeze? Does the person beside you suddenly get shot by a snotty stud? And when you have a cold, it's bad enough to have things running out of the two natural holes, why add a third?

Eyebrow rings or barbells anywhere: things that get crusty should not be impaled on your body. This applies to bellybutton rings, too. Exactly why do you want people looking at your midsection? Does naval jelly really need to be stapled in?

Tongue jewelry: I don't need this explained. I don't WANT this explained. It's a form of advertising I can do without.

Restaurant owners - have your servers remove all piercing jewelry before they come to work - accept maybe earring studs (there is a difference with ear studs. They don't draw attention to the ears unless only one is worn or it's really gaudy. They subtly frame the face and are therefore acceptable.) I, for one, find them grotesque and they put me off my feed... good for my flabby tummy, but not for your revenues.

Tattoos can be okay as long as they're subtle and out of the way, and if the wearer takes into account skin drift so they don't end up somewhere strange or misshapen. Big ones, multiple allbody ones or rude ones just advertise the wearer is shortsighted. Same rules for necklines should govern tattoos: think about where they draw the eye. "V" shaped tattoos point the eye down; if your sure you will always want people looking at your butt - even when you're fifty years old - then go ahead at your own risk. Tasteful tattoos of small size that will fit EVERY occasion that they are seen for the rest of your life are okay. I've seen a few that are quite pretty, normally ankle tats of a rose or other tasteful flowers. I saw a Tweety bird ankle tat at a formal meeting once that seemed inappropriate for the occasion, so choose wisely if you choose at all.

If you DID have a tattoo, what would it be? I once told my nephew that he should pick something that applies to him now and would always apply. At his age, I would have picked either a Superman symbol or a Comedy/Tragedy mask. Supes would be out of place too often, but the masks, if in a subtle shade on my shoulder would be cool. Even the changing size of my skin there could have an interesting effect. I'd probably do it if Lynette wouldn't mind, but she does so I won't. You?