Thursday, November 27, 2008

Day of Awe

T-Day (or in this case the night before) is easy to transform into "Awe Day" (for adults more so than kids, probably).

I put the kids to bed last night and was walking through the house, saw moonlight bouncing off the pool, and the wood floor gleaming through the house I had renovated with the help of some good friends and my first thought is "how did I end up here?" "Is this really my life?"

In less than a second my brain, practically on it's own, flashed through time picking out my various dreams and goals for life while growing up. None of them foresaw what I now have. I suppose for some that would be a sad thing, but in that heartbeat I saw all those things I'd wanted were shallow, vague, and of very little value. Oh, sure, I hang on to a few of them still that I think are important, but mostly I'm bewildered by what I thought would bring meaning to my life. None of the things I prize now were predicted.

I never dreamed of living in Florida, or having friends so ingrained in my heart. I never pictured marrying someone like Lynette, or fathering three amazing children. The jobs I've held and things I've done that give me such satisfaction aren't those I picked out in college. No one would have ever guessed I'd be involved in a church of any kind, let alone a doctrinally correct, disciplined house of faith.

Honestly, I dreamed of bigger things, more money, wider renown... largely because I didn't know the quiet, often busy, and fully rich life I've been given could so fill me.

I desire accomplishment and impact on society, but when I make my daughter laugh or see my son banging away at his novel (almost 40,000 words and growing), I realize my desire has come true in far more meaningful ways than I could ever conceive on my own.

Thank you, God, for saying, "not that... THIS." You know better and You prove it every day.


B.L.S. said...

Yes he does. Sure, everybody's wish that isn't a christian, and even some christians want to be famous, and have a lot of money. But the trick is, "Why do you need money?"

Anonymous said...

We are so glad that God didn't give you the life that you wanted. WE are truly blessed to call you friend and have you and your family in our lives. And it won't be the same when you leave. (I can still pray that God changes his mind, can't I?)

B.L.S. said...

Haha! Yes you can i guess, it wouldn't hurt. But my breathing won't change in this hot swamp, but then again it's cooling off...