Day of Awe

T-Day (or in this case the night before) is easy to transform into "Awe Day" (for adults more so than kids, probably).

I put the kids to bed last night and was walking through the house, saw moonlight bouncing off the pool, and the wood floor gleaming through the house I had renovated with the help of some good friends and my first thought is "how did I end up here?" "Is this really my life?"

In less than a second my brain, practically on it's own, flashed through time picking out my various dreams and goals for life while growing up. None of them foresaw what I now have. I suppose for some that would be a sad thing, but in that heartbeat I saw all those things I'd wanted were shallow, vague, and of very little value. Oh, sure, I hang on to a few of them still that I think are important, but mostly I'm bewildered by what I thought would bring meaning to my life. None of the things I prize now were predicted.

I never dreamed of living in Florida, or having friends so ingrained in my heart. I never pictured marrying someone like Lynette, or fathering three amazing children. The jobs I've held and things I've done that give me such satisfaction aren't those I picked out in college. No one would have ever guessed I'd be involved in a church of any kind, let alone a doctrinally correct, disciplined house of faith.

Honestly, I dreamed of bigger things, more money, wider renown... largely because I didn't know the quiet, often busy, and fully rich life I've been given could so fill me.

I desire accomplishment and impact on society, but when I make my daughter laugh or see my son banging away at his novel (almost 40,000 words and growing), I realize my desire has come true in far more meaningful ways than I could ever conceive on my own.

Thank you, God, for saying, "not that... THIS." You know better and You prove it every day.